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Cell
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the next installment of Villain Interviews. This time around, we're interviewing the time-traveling villain, Cell!
Pfft. Time travel is overrated. Why, if I had a nickel for every time I'd seen some anime character go backwards, forwards, or sideways through time, I'd... have a whole lot of nickels, I tell you what!
Right, Gerry.
That's Gerald, you young whipersnapper! Get over here so I can beat you with my cane!! I'll teach you not to... teach... not...... *zzzzzzzzzzz*
......Okay, how about we just get into the interview, hmm? Cell, it's nice to have you here today.
Thanks, Jonathon. It's great to be here.
So Cell, what have you been doing with yourself since the end of Dragon Ball?
*zzzzz...* Huh? Wha..? Couldn't you come up with a better question than that?
*studiously ignoring Gerald* Oh, I've been keeping myself busy. I even wrote a book, How to Rule the World in 10 Easy Steps.
Well, you sure have a lot of experience. I bet you even thew in some instuctions on how to perform a few martial arts moves, hmm?
*suddenly nervous* Uh, well... *a-hem* You see...
Hmm, gettin' a little nervous now, are we? Then perhaps there's some truth to this rumor we've heard.
*gulps* Wh-what rumor? I don't know what you're talking about! *begins sweating and looking like a cornered animal*
You know very well. The rumor that you had... a stunt double!
LIES, ALL LIES!! I, uh, I...
*off-stage voice*: Shove it, poser-boy!
*A person comes on-stage who looks suspiciously like Cell, but he's red instead of green, has an eyepatch, and a moustache*
The rumors were all true. I was Cell's stunt double, the best kept secret of Dragon Ball (aside from Bulma and Kulilin's love-child...)
Eh, what's that?
Uh, erm, nothing! Anyway, I did all the dangerous stuff while Cell got all the glory. They just recolored me on computers for final production, and viola! Instant success for the green guy.
But why? Why didn't you become the character of Cell, take your rightful place in the DBZ universe.
*flustered* I, well... I tried, but the director said, umm... he said *mutters something under his breath*
Speak up, boy!
He said I had the acting talent of a largish zuchinni! *beins sobbing* It wasn't fair, it just wasn't fair!! I did all the dangerous stuff, and I put my life on the line every show, and for what? Nobody even knows my name.
Hey, buck up there. I have an idea, why don't you tell everybody your name right now? Let everyone know who you are, and what you did for Dragon Ball.
*sniff sniff* Y-You really mean it?
Sure, go ahead.Tell us your name.
I-it's...
Oh, so sorry Mr. stunt double, but we're out of time. Tune in next episode, folks, where we attempt to delve into the mind of Broli... what mind there is, anyway.
But my big chance, I didn't... *begins fade out* WAIT! MY NAME IS---
© 1999 Pamela Sawyer, trunksette@juno.com
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