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<Vegeta and Goku strut out on the stage in prince costumes. The music starts, and Vegeta begins to sing…>
VEGETA
<He whips out a picture of Bulma in a Cinderella costume before
beginning>
Did I abuse her
Or show her disdain?
Why does she run from me?
<Goku scratches his head for a moment, then replies, "Well actually,
Vegeta, you did sort of show her…" A quick blow to the head silences him>
If I should lose her,
How shall I regain
The heart she has won from me?
<A look of longing passes ever so briefly over the Saiya-jin Prince's
face>
Agony!
Beyond power of speech,
When the one thing you want
Is the only thing out of your reach.
<Vegeta mutters about the dumb lyrics, saying if the script would
just let him, she wouldn't be out of reach>
GOKU
<Goku pulls out a picture of Chichi in a Rapunzel costume>
High in her tower,
She sits by the hour,
Maintaining her hair.
<Chichi is seen in a room at the top of a tower with no doors or
stairs. She appears to be having great difficulty brushing her excessively
long hair>
Blithe and becoming,
And frequently humming
A lighthearted air:
<Chichi screams in frustration>
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah--
Agony!
Far more painful than yours,
When you know she would go with you
If there only were doors
<Goku thinks for a moment, then agrees with Vegeta on the dumb lyrics.
After all, he can fly>
BOTH
Agony!
Oh, the torture they teach!
GOKU
What's as intriguing--
<Goku briefly wonders what makes women so special>
VEGETA
Or half so fatiguing--
<Vegeta remembers one of Bulma's many tirades>
BOTH
As what's out of reach?
<Vegeta growls as the lyrics repeatedly take blows at his pride.
She is _not_ out of reach, dangit!>
VEGETA
Am I not sensitive,
Clever,
Well-mannered,
Considerate,
Passionate,
Charming,
As kind as I'm handsome
And heir to a throne?
<Vegeta glares dangerously at Goku, daring him to comment.
Goku manages to keep from saying that well, he is heir to a throne…,
and continues singing>
GOKU
You are everything maidens could wish for!
<This time Goku bursts into giggles, but smothers them with his
hand>
VEGETA
Then why no--?
<Vegeta's eyebrow twitches. He is barely keeping his rage
in check>
GOKU
Do I know?
VEGETA
The girl must be mad!
GOKU
You know nothing of madness
Till you're climbing her hair
<Goku begins to fly to Chichi's window, but is soundly smacked by
a stagehand and begins to climb>
And you see her up there
As you're nearing her,
All the while hearing her:
<Chichi screams louder as the brush gets lost in her waves of hair>
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah--
BOTH
Agony!
VEGETA
Misery!
GOKU
Woe!
BOTH
Though it's different for each.
<Goku thinks about the times each woman has yelled at him.
"Maybe not that much…">
VEGETA
Always ten steps behind--
<Vegeta can't take much more of these demeaning lyrics. Imagine,
a woman getting away from him>
GOKU
Always ten feet below--
<Goku just sighs and keeps singing>
BOTH
And she's just out of reach.
<Silently, Vegeta swears to kill Stephen Sondheim for these lyrics>
Agony
That can cut like a knife!
I must have her to wife.