The War Journal of Lt. Hamm B. Gur



My name is Hamm B. Gur, Lieutenant in the Protein Army, Daisy Company. A war between us and those we have named "the unbalanced" has been being waged for literally centuries. A few days ago my entire company was captured by the enemy, despite our brave efforts. This is my war journal, chronicling the horrors I experienced as a prisoner of war.

Day 1, 0900:
I was separated from my company and placed in a holding cell with four other prisoners; 2nd Lieutenant B. Unn out of the Grain military; two Privates from Vegetable, Tom Atoe and Lett Usse; and Sergeant Ched R. Chies out of Dairy. The enemy provided me with enough paper to write on, but conditions are cramped, and hope is dim.

Day 1, 1200:
We were moved from our original position and released from our cell, only to come face-to-face with one of the enemy. What happened next was sheer inhumanity. Bit by bit all of us were torn apart and crushed by the enemy. At the same time, they sent in something called "salivary amylase," apparently some type of biological weapon. Guess we were sent here as guinea pigs. Oddly, it only seemed to affect 2nd Lt. Unn. It made him appear almost… partially digested.

After this torture, we were forced down a long, moving tunnel to a new holding cell. The ordeal seemed to last forever, but in reality took only a few minutes. Tom, trying to keep up our spirits, jokingly called us a "bolus," whatever that means. Still, we appreciate his optimism. We'll need it if we ever hope to get out of here.

Day 1, 1400:
I have now learned that the first torture was only the beginning. Not long after we arrived in what I had foolishly called a "holding cell," a new pain began. The walls themselves began to move, pummeling us all into "chyme," another of Tom's words. As if that weren't enough, someone called only "HCl" released another of those biological weapons, pepsin. It didn't affect many of the other guys, but it hit me and Ched real hard. I felt like I was getting ripped apart into mere peptide chains like I was as a kid, and from what I could see, Ched felt the same way. It was horrible.

There was another guy in there, someone named Gass Trin. At first we thought he was another POW, but it turns out he was running things down there. I wanted to sock him one good, but I was too weak. Lett was still holding up pretty well, but we all knew none of us stood a chance against the guy. After about 2 hours of this torture, we slowly started to move again, getting shoved one by one through Pyloric's opening. I gotta remember to put that guy on my "To Get" list, too.

Day 1, 1800:
We have finally been allowed to rest a little, but only after the most horrendous abuse yet. After going through Pyloric's opening, we kept getting pushed around and shoved against these finger-like things. Tom called them villi. It was one of the last things he did. Those "villi" sucked all the nutrients out of him, leaving both Tom and Lett mere shells of their former selves. It got to the rest of us pretty bad, too, but we all had more time in the military and had a bit more to us.

As if all the physical abuse weren't bad enough, the enemy released more of that bio junk on us, too. This stuff called peptidase attacked what was left of Ched and me, breaking our small peptide chains down even further, changing into mere amino acids. 2nd Lt. Unn got hit again, this time with disaccharidase. Like Ched and me, he was broken down into smaller pieces, going from disaccharides to monosaccharides. And just to make sure they really got us, out from these two side tunnels comes more stuff.

Out from one place came "bile," smacking into Ched and me like a ton of bricks, eating away at our fat. Seemed like they were aiming only for us higher ranks, ignoring the privates except for this stuff, nucleases, which hit us all. That stuff came out of the second tunnel, along with trypsin and chymotripsin, tearing apart what was left of mine and Ched's proteins. Then they went for our fat again with lipase. Last they got Unn again, this time with pancreatic amylase. It continued the breakdown of his carbohydrates.

Day 2, 0100:
It's the waiting that gets me. They've been slowly moving us down this last tunnel. They're more room in here than the one before, but it's hot and we're sweating like pigs. It's weird, though, but all the water and salt from our sweat seems to be getting sucked into the walls of the tunnel.

Day 2, 1500:
We've been released, but much different than we started. I don't think we'll ever be the same, but we all survived. At the end of the last tunnel we were shoved into a whirlpool, apparently so the enemy could destroy the evidence of their biological weapons tests. Little did they know we'd make it out of that trap alive. We're all traveling together for the time, hoping to meet up with our companies soon. With luck, we'll be back in the war just as soon as we fertilize the grass and get eaten or grow back into what we were.

The End